He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize