idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
