I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
