I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
