Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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