Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
