my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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