I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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