so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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