I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
