dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
