and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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