Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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