I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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