Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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