are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize