you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
