sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My penis needs a shock collar
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Randomize
