Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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