Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
