What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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