One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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