morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
