I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
