there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
