I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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