I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
