I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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