So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize