Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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