I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
