I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
