does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So vagazzling was a success
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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