fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
