we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
