I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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