highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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