I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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