My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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