everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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