My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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