on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
