so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
