Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
