The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
