i already hear my dad disowning me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
