I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
