we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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