im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize