did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
