When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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