HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
