i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
