Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
