We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
