My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
