I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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