It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
