Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
