Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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