i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
