I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
