I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
