I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
