Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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