he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize