oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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