would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
