Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
