Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
