I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
