So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize