Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
