worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
