What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
