I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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