It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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