That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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