wrigley field is MILF paradise
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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