cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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