Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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