Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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