I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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