I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
