I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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