Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
