If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
