I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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