why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we should paint friendship bongs
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