Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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