Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
