My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
