I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
