I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
