I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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