I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
