i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
