I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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