I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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