As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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