doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
