Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
