Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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