Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
