So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
