I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
