I can't watch pbs sober anymore
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
