I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's always time for handjobs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
