Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
