i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
